Do you dream about things? I CONSTANTLY dream. Like I am a mega watt dreamer. I always have and I always will be. It can be about winning $19million dollars and what I would do with it. Or sometimes its places I want to travel to. And pretty much everyday I dream about being a person who walks into a shop and puts pants on and my ass isnt ginormous and everything fits and looks good. I don’t want to go for a run though. That would suck. I just want the skinny ass and to eat all the cheesecake all the time and my skin glows like I have been injecting green smoothies into my veins like a junkie.
Thursdays are always so extra magical at Little Paper Lane because my Mum aka Sweet’n’Pretty works her magic on Tuesday and Wednesday and cleans and re merchandises everything. She is such a hard worker and has really turned into an amazing merchandiser. There are a lot of new products in store and online and I wanted to show off how pretty it’s looking in here at the minute. Enjoy (more…)
I have some great news to share. . .soon. Very soon. Its exciting.
No babies are in my guts so don’t get excited. I dont incubate well, and because of the other things I have going on I would need a permanent drip of Valium to deal with pregnancy right now.
So basically I have to get my shit together. I have A LOT happening. Like more than usual. You all know I like to be doing everything.
ALL the things.
I now have 18 years under my belt with an anxiety disorder. I have to be calm. I have to be occupied. If my brain is full of work and life , and I don’t make myself stress about it, I am less anxious. Because I am a walking contradiction. Everytime I post here, I learn more about my contradictions. But imagine being anxious and stressed together. . .fuck that.
Have you been anxious? Its fucked up. I think people think anxiety is just ‘being worried’. And yes, It is being worried. But its different and not as simple as being worried. Usually(for me) not anything to do with what I am consciously thinking about gets me anxious. I could be all chilled reading a magazine and the anxiety will get all wild. The chemicals in our brains go on a rampage and the thoughts you have are usually very scattered and for me, is usually about medical conditions and dying or something happening to my kids. I don’t have control over where the anxiety comes from. It’s always there, but it just goes up and down. But my anxiety isn’t usually about things that may be stressing me or deadlines and things.
And I know what my triggers are. I need sleep. If I have less than 7hours sleep I usually start feeling more anxious. And if I have really limited sleep I have horrible panic attacks. Panic attacks and being anxious for me are different. Eating badly also makes me feel a bit low. I never really knew this until the last year, I can feel when I havent had enough water and eaten the right things.
Anxiety feels like u are super worried about something, like the horrible butterflies in your guts…not the good butterflies. Panic attacks feel more physical. For me, my hands go numb, I start to feel hot, my head gets REALLY hot and fuzzy. My eyes sort of trail and can’t keep up with my brain. And my heart goes bazerk. There is always weird pain in my chest and throat and even after 18 years, and knowing exactly what a panic attack feels like, my brain can’t accept it. I get the ‘what if’s’ quite badly. I usually get them with anxiety more. Like ‘what if’ its not a panic attack/anxiety and I am having a stroke’. things like that. It’s very irrational. But I also get over them a bit quicker than in my earlier years. No matter what though, I feel like I am about to die. Every time. Anxiety I can control a bit better because I breath in a certain way and it helps a lot. But panic attacks, I get over quicker but it’s still horrible. I don’t wish it on anyone.
I don’t have panic attacks much now(TOUCH WOOD) because I am very conscious about my triggers. Steve knows I have to sleep. I am lucky he can look after the morning shift in our house. I have to work until 12-2am in order to get everything done. I just have to. We have young kids, so I have to balance work and life and it means I work a lot at night. So for me to be able to do that, and get some sleep, Steve does the morning routine with the kids. Like no shit, every single day, he gets up at like 6 and takes Coco(our giant dog) on her marathon, she need hardcore excercise because she is an Alaskan Malamute, so he takes her on a big mission for about an hour. He comes home to the kids waking and does breaky and gets them ready for the day before I get up. And because of his own injuries from being attacked about 9 years ago, he has to go to bed early, so I take over the night shift, and he gets to sleep. We work well together both at home and in our business.
So how do people get through being busy and owning a business, and having a family and having anxiety?!?
Its tricky, but everyone deals differently. My chronic pain has a lot to do with my anxiety, I am not sitting ‘worrying’ about my pain, but being in pain is exhausting and contributes to it a lot. As I mentioned before, its knowing my triggers. I don’t party all weekend, I don’t drink every night or do drugs, and I look after my mental health. A few things that are important, is taking little mini breaks. Even 2-5 minutes of not working. And just simply doing something that doesn’t require a lot of mental strength. meditation is something I used to do a lot and I need to do it again now. But simple breathing exercises helps a lot. If we are waiting at the lights in the car, I will just do some breathing, by breathing in for 4 counts, holding for 4 counts and breathing out for 4 counts. Sometimes I do 3 counts sometimes 5. Just depends on how I feel. Excercise is amazing for Anxiety. I don’t excercise because of my pain through winter, but in summer when I can get in the pool it really clears my mind a lot. Simply breathing and concentrating on breathing before sleep helps too. As well as sipping on a relaxing herbal tea. Like camomile or a special sleeping blend from The Beauty Apothecary.
But one of the most helpful things that works for me, is being open and talking about it. Gone are the days where you had to hide mental illness from the world. People still take a little step back and get uncomfortable at first when you mention you have a wild brain, but as you talk about it, and let them ask questions and answer honestly, it helps. So many people have opened up to me in the shop and online about their own anxiety and depression, and reveal that they have never spoken to anyone about it, and I am the first person they have talked to. I feel both comforted that someone feels like they can talk to me, but also a bit sad. It’s not something you should go through alone. Its scary. I wont ever sugar coat what it feels to be anxious, cos it sux hair balls. It’s not nice. But it can be much easier if you have a good support network. And I will always welcome anyone to message me or pop in and chat about how they feel, because when I first had anxiety and panic attacks I thought I was dying. Talking to my best friends and family was the thing that saved me. They helped me, and still help me, even though I am awesome at living with anxiety. I still need my support peeps and I hope I too can help those that need it.
If someone you know is suffering from anxiety or depression, ask them if they are ok and if they wold like to talk?! I often don’t like to talk about panic attacks while I actually have panic attacks, but I have to tell the closest person around (or call my mum or husband)I am having one and to act normal but I just like them to know. It feels like I am about to die, and I have to convince myself I am not, but if I have a person around, it makes me feel like they can help me if my fake death happens.
I think one thing that will help with the anxiety is being more organised. I keep talking about it and this week I am starting to feel like I am on the road to be a little more organised. I will never ever be a super organised person, because that isn’t my personality at all. But I can implement ways to help make my job/s easier and flow a bit better. Surrounding myself with people who are very organised and let their organizing skills inspire me.
I am lucky enough to have made friends with some really lovely suppliers. It makes a big difference when you are in business that you get along with those who create or look after the products you sell in your shop. (more…)
Things are evolving quite spectacularly, Career wise. We are getting busier everyday and growing the business in a direction that is good for our souls. BUT!! This means we need to be super organised. Which is not my strongest point. Steve is a lot more organised than me which is good but we both need to be right now.
It seems to be a little more in our face than usual. It could be just that I am deeply buried within the gift world and never get off social media, so maybe I am just seeing everything a little bit more.
I have popped together some of my favourite products for the Mum in your life available at Little Paper Lane
Who is the Mum in your life? Maybe its your Dad? Perhaps it’s your Nan or an Aunty or a best friend?! We need to make sure we remember that for some, Mother’s Day is a super hard day. Some don’t have their mums around. And that totally sux. Well for the ones that love their mums it totally sux, for the ones who really don’t like them, it doesn’t suck as much but it’s still sux cos there is a reason the mum isnt around. So even if it sux less. . .there is still definitely suckiness going on. (more…)
I was hoping when school went back that I would get back into a bit more of constant blogging. But then the mother of all storms hit Sydney and holy shit did that put a little halt to a few things.
We were lucky. Like the internet was a bit slow and some of our balcony roofing flew away. We constantly charged every single piece of technology in the house and I had the candles positioned in places I could easily find. . . basically I didn’t do a thing with the candles cos lets face it, I have about eleventy thousand just in the living room. What I really mean is, I sat and decided what candles were going to be ok to burn.
So as far as storm ‘damage’ goes. . compared to friends and family we did ok. Our house is super cold, but you know. . you just put an extra jumper on. So we are A.O.K!
So for now while I gather my thoughts, and try to get my shit together, here are my favourite pics on the Pinterest last week. Even poor Pinterest didn’t get my full attention last week. Poor gal. She probably misses me. I know I missed her gorgeousness.
I am always so obsessed with looking at beautiful typography and calligraphy and some of these are beautiful as well as have a great message.